Shadow of the Moon
by Eoz Moon
Summary: Hermione has had a crush on Lupin for years. Now returning to Hogwarts after a year away defeating Voldemort, Lupin's her teacher again and feelings between the pair untangle, but will Lupin ever get over his guilt and accept his feelings for his student?
1. Prologue: It's just a little crush

"Shadow of the Moon" Prologue: It's just a little crush

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I'm not making profit, I'm not taking credit - dont sue please!

_It's just, a little crush, it's not like everything I do depends on you…_

Hermione sat down in the last remaining "empty" compartment in the Hogwart's Express with Harry and Ron. She was excitedly anticipating her third year, and turning thirteen in November, finally hitting the dreaded teenage years. In the background she could hear the voices of her two friends, chatting on about something abstract, no doubt quidditch, but all she could focus on was the pale man, bundled up in tattered robes, in front of her. His face, what she could see of it, was lined with worry, his hair a sandy brown, glittering with small specks of grey. She fought back the urge to touch, to stroke his face, his hair, or just him, to comfort the ill looking man before her.

"I wonder who the new defence against the dark arts teacher is this year, eh 'Mione?" Ron's question pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Oh, erm, I suppose we won't know until the feast will we?" She replied hastily, embarrassed by the fact that she, Hermione the bookworm had been absorbed in a daydream like state because of a male.

"I hope Snape hasn't fi…" Harry began, as the rooms temperature dropped dramatically, the windows iceing over, and Hermione's bottle of water froze solid. Hermione could see her breath before her, coming out in rapid cloudy motions. "What, what's going on" she whispered.

Hermione saw it first, the hooded figure creeping towards the door, the skeletal hand drawing the door open. Her terrified gaze lead Harry and Ron's eyes towards the door, both gasping at the creature before them.

It happened to quickly for Hermione, she was too caught up with the feelings of desperate sadness and loss of hope engulfing her. She looked up and the creature had become dangerously close to Harry's face. "No.." She gasped, realising what the creature was, "Not the kiss". Looking around desperately, she fell apon the stranger's face, his eyes snapped open suddenly, startling her slightly. Before she knew it the man in front of her had leapt up from his buddle of tattered robes and pointed his wand at the dementor.

"Expecto Patronous!" she heard him cry before a flash of silver filled the compartment.

Hermione watched him pulling out a bar of Hunnyduke's chocolate and hand out generous pieces to Harry and Ron, making sure they were both fine. She watched his brow furrow with concern, and the hint of pride which slipped through his voice when he said Harry's name. He turned to her and offered her some. Hermione felt herself hesitate slightly, not knowing why her hand refused to make such close contact with him. She guessed her parents teaching of "don't take sweets from strangers" was kicking in.

"Don't worry, it's not poisoned," his hoarse voice whispered to her," I wouldn't want to harm the greatest witch of our time, would I?" He smiled at her warmly. Hermione smiled back at him, thrilled he knew who she was. Graciously she took a piece and popped it in her mouth.

"See, I told you so," He smiled again, and winked at her.

Hermione felt her heart skip a beat, her feelings hit her hard. She was hooked, addicted to this kind hearted stranger.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Several years later, an eighteen year old Hermione lay along her bed in the small room she shared with Ginny at the Burrow, reading her past diary entries. She wasn't the small bushed haired girl who fell for her professor anymore. She was a young woman now, pain showing through her deep brown eyes, and the title of a girl who defeated deatheaters, and bushy hair, lying on her shoulders. She twirled a long chocolate curl in her fingers. She was proud of her successful spell attempt to control her once hopeless excuse for hair. With her new soft curls, womanly curves and toned legs, she almost felt beautiful. Almost. He still hadn't noticed her. Hermione's thoughts returned to her third year diary, and her long suffering heartache for one Remus Lupin.

It had been later than evening when Hermione finally found out her stranger's name. Remus Lupin. Professor Remus Lupin in fact, their new DADA teacher.

Kind, charming, attractive AND a scholar she had thought to herself It's almost like he's too perfect Of course after time Hermione figured his secret, proving herself right, of course he was too perfect to not have a deep dark secret. The logical part of her was screaming at her to tell someone, anyone, especially Harry or Dumbledore. But her heart refused to believe he was a threat, every smile he gave her way during class made her dizzy and elated. A man like Lupin could never be evil, dangerous luna cycles or not. At the shrieking shake that night her heart was almost broken that slight moment where she doubted his alliance to Dumbledore, that slight moment where she thought she was wrong and regretted her decision to keep his secret. She honestly thought that moment he had changed that he could recognise her soft voice of worry, she could swear for a slight moment somewhere inside him, the wolf had recognised her.

She felt her heart break when she heard Professor Lupin was not to be returning the next year. For months she never saw him, until the end of her fourth year. Even then, sightings of the old werewolf were rare and sparse. The times when she actually got to speak to him were even less. But Hermione made sure she was always there during the times that it counted. When Sirius died, she was the one who stayed up all night as Lupin cried into her shoulder the emotions he dared not reveal to anyone else. When Lupin debated whether to date Tonks or not, she was the one who sat there in his room, giving advice as he paced for hours. Hermione was also the one he went to for comfort the night Tonks declared she couldn't handle it anymore and ended it. Hermione was the one who held him as Lupin said "Who needs a woman when I have a friend like you?"

Hermione tried, she tried so hard to shake off her feelings for him. She even managed to briefly move on and start a relationship with Ron. But it was only weeks until she walked away, saying they were better off friend as thoughts of her friendly werewolf plagued her mind. She had tried, she really had but this crush was sticking to her like a pot of Weasley's Wondrously Wacky Sticky Goo. She groaned loudly just as Ginny came through the doorway.

"You ok there Hermione?" Ginny asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yerh," Hermione replied, "Just stuck with thoughts of a certain.. You know who, and not the evil snake wannabe kind."

"Ah, the one with month hairy issues kind?" Ginny teased.

"Uhuh," was Hermione's frustrated reply.

Ginny was the only person who knew Hermione's 'little secret'. During the final battle where Harry defeated Voldemort, Hermione had been cornered by Feiner Greyback, her wand thrown out of reach as he pounced on her. Hermione, fearing for the worst, cried out for the only person she could think of in her desperation, "Lupin". She closed her eyes, expecting to feel Greyback shredding her apart, when the weight of the wolf was thrown off her. Opening her eyes she saw Moony fighting Greyback. When the wounded werewolf limped away from Greyback's body and collapsed in front of her, she knew then and there she this was more than a simple crush. When Ginny interrogated Hermione about her shy behaviour when Lupin swept her into his arms during the festivities later that week, Hermione couldn't lye to her best girlfriend.

"Don't worry," Ginny beamed at her, "He's returning this year, the ministries given McGonagall permission to hire him as the DADA teacher. Aren't you glad you missed a year now?"

Because of the war, and the fact Hogwarts had been closed, Hermione had to give up her schooling to help Harry and his quest. After the demise of Voldemort Hogwarts had been reopened, and McGonagall invited Hermione, Harry and Ron , as well as any other students, to return and finish their schooling. Ginny had thought this was amazing, after taking her sixth year at another less known wizarding school during the war, she was now a seventh year too, and would be taking lessons with her older friends. Hermione was just as delighted at the thought of sharing lessons with a friend who actually appreciated learning.

"Yes, yes I am," Hermione replied wistfully.

"And tomorrow, you'll get to see him again, and I'll, I'll get to see Harry once more."

Hermione smiled, without the worry of Voldemort lingering over their heads, this year was looking good.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: this is my first fanfiction, so please be kind with ur critcism! I hope this chapter's turned out okies, and i hope you readers can understand my writting. Please review!


	2. Chapter one: Shadow of the Moon

** Chapter 1: Shadow of the Moon**

Disclaimer: I own nothing… damn it. If I did Hermione would be way more appreciated, Harry would not have broken up with Ginny, and Draco would have danced naked at some point. I do however own the plot though, which I'm rather proud of. Big cheesy grin

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_In the shadow of the moon, she danced in the starlight whispering a haunting tune, to the night..."Feel no sorrow, feel no pain, feel no hurt, there's nothing gained...only love will then remain," She would say. Shadow of the Moon... - Blackmore's Night_

Hermione sat hunched over a large textbook, as she absentmindedly nibbled at a piece of toast, in the great hall. Today was her first day of lessons, and she was preparing herself for her first Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson. She felt so out of practice, the past year had left barely anytime for studying, and she had only managed a few reads of the books she had brought ready for her last year, and practical studuing was out of the question! But now, sitting here once again reading over breakfast, Hermione felt more at home than she had been for a long time. Hermione felt a presence behind her, the familiar aroma of tree bark and ink surrounding her senses. She turned around excitedly.

"Gosh you caught me," Remus chuckled softly, "I was so hoping to startle you."

Hermione smiled warmly, "Hello Professor."

"Good morning Hermione, great to see you're already studding," He replied, indicating towards her textbook, opened across the table, "It's been awhile, hasn't it?"

"Yerh," she breathed. Throwing away all inhibitions and pulling Remus into a firm hug, "It's so good to have you back Lupin."

Remus, taken back by her sudden display of affection, froze for a moment, before slowly resting his arms around her shoulders. "Yes, it's good to be back."

Hermione lifted her head and looked up into his eyes, smiling warmly. Remus felt himself drawn into her eyes, he returned her gaze, and found himself getting lost in those honey brown pools. He smiled giddily at her affectionate gaze.

"Oh, erm, yes, I should be heading to erm, set up my classroom," Remus said suddenly, snapping out of his trance and leaping back from Hermione's embrace, "It was good to see you Miss Granger!"

Hermione was left slightly perplexed by his odd behaviour as Remus scurried out of the hall. Her gaze followed him until he was out of sight.

"Saved us a seat then, eh 'Mione?" Ron's jolly voice infiltrated her thoughts. He grabbed a muffin near by, cramming it into his mouth before adding, "Studdin' aweady eh seeh."

Hermione jumped at his sudden appearance, turning around she saw Harry and Ginny coming up behind him. The couple where holding hands.

"Good morning guys," she greeted politely.

"Good to see you again," Harry said quietly, pulling his beloved friend into a tight embrace.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Remus Lupin liked to believe he was good at controlling his urges, even during his luna problems, the wolfsbane potion but a stop to any inappropriateness the wolf desired. But after one simple hug, he felt himself questioning his ability to keep to propriety. He closed his eyes, breathing in as he ran his hands through his hair. The hug lasted only moments, but long enough for him to feel the burning desire to lower his face, slowly towards her lips. Her soft, vanilla and books scent swirled around his head, setting his heart on fire. Her smooth curves and the swell of her breasts against him sent his burning desire to parts of his anatomy which shouldn't react in such a way to innocence. As he felt himself harden, he leapt from her arms, praying she had not felt him against her. Embarrassed and guilt ridden, he had ran, thanking his loose robes for concealing his perversion.

Remus sat down at his desk, pulling out his notes for the lesson. He had noticed awhile ago his feelings for Hermione had begun to turn more than friendly. Those nights she had consoled him, holding him as he cried, caused a shift in his feelings for the young witch. That night when Tonk's broke up with him, he had looked up into Hermione's eyes and saw her in a new light. His lovely little "crush" had officially begun. When he couldn't find her on the battle field, a sense of dread had filed him, the gut wrenching worry for her life had consumed him far worse than a mere "crush" could possible cause. His breath caught in his chest when he saw her cornered by none other than Fenir Greyback. The surge of angry raging through his veins was so powerful, he didn't even notice his transformation as he raced towards her. The only thing he remembered after that was her kind face, and soft hands reaching towards him despite his frightening appearance. The brief moment before he passed out he felt his heart surge for her, and he knew then, this was not a simple "crush".

Remus rested his head in his hands, letting out a large sigh, he composed himself, thankful the remnants of his arousal had finally gone. "Oh how James and Sirius would laugh at me now", he groaned to himself before straightening up, readying himself for his first lesson. Seventh years…damn.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: I'm afraid this chapter hasn't been beta read yet, as neither my little beta or my boyfriend were available to read it (stupid men), but I was so eger to get this chapter out for you guys. I just wanna say thanks to all my reviewers, I was really nervous about this fan fiction, but seeing my reviews really made my day! Also, I'm trying to make a point in replying to all my reviews, after all you guys made the effect to review, I should at least thank you for it. So enjoy!


	3. Chapter two: Strange and Beautiful

AN: Yes I'm back, I'm back and no more exams! Do not worry, I did not abandon you my dear readers. Thanks to all those who reviewed, 'twas very much appreciated. Just a warning this chapter is a it naff, nothing much happens, I'm just bring in a charecter, but do not worry for chapter 3 (which was already mostly written before i started this chapter) is moments away from being posted!

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing... unfortunatly. Besides if I did say I was JK, how many of you would actually beleive me?

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Chapter two: Strange and Beautiful**

_To me, you're strange and you're beautiful, you'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see, you turn every head but you don't see me. _

He wasn't looking when the class began to fill, but he knew the moment she walked in. He felt her, his heightened senses caught hold of her sweet vanilla and books scent, filling his mind with thoughts of love. Wait, love? No that couldn't possibly be right! Get it together Remus old chap, you have a class to teach!

Putting down the papers he had pretended he was shuffling, Remus turned to face the class.

"Now class, today we are learning about Runespoors," Remus called out to the class, "Can anyone tell me what a Runespoor is?"

A hand shot up, he knew it was Hermione before he even glanced over.

"Yes, Miss Granger?" He smiled fondly at her.

"A Runespoor is a three headed snake, originating from the small African country of Burkina Faso. It commonly reaches a length of six or seven foot, and has livid orange and black stripes. Because of it's colourings the Runespoor is very easy to spot, causing the ministry to designate several unplottable forests solely for them." Hermione replied, almost word for word, recited from her textbook.

"Well done Miss Granger, twenty points to Gryffindor!" Remus exclaimed proudly, watching her face light up in pleasure.

She smiled, pleasure lighting up her eyes, her face glowing at her academic achievement.

"Well then class, if you turn to page 137 you will see a section about Runespoors, please read and then answer the questions at the bottom of page 140." Remus requested, looking over the students sat before him.

Remus observed Hermione from the safety of his desk, he watched her come alive in the presence of her friends. She was laughing and smiling now as she turned behind her to Neville, Remus assumed to help him with his work. She thrived in the learning environment, surrounded by those she loved. Remus felt it caused her to possess a goddess like glow. She looked so alive, so animated, these simple moments were the ones where she was at her most radiant. Ginny turned to join in the conversation, and was promptly followed by Harry and Ron sitting next to her, which in turn brought the final member of the group, Luna, into the discussion. Remus smiled fondly at the young adults he'd had a hand in raising. He knew Lily and James would be so proud of their son, as would Alice and Frank. All six of them had grown up and matured, between them they had won a war.

Remus surveyed the small class. Not many of the older students had returned, those that had he could not recognise. He was not surprised to see only one Slytherin student in his class. Pansy Parkinson sat alone in the far corner of the room, stealing wistful glances at Hermione and the others. Attentively Remus approached her, casting a quick "Silenco" around them as he sat beside her, dispite knowing the classroom chatter would have easily drowned out their conversation.

Miss Parkinson," he began, "I understand there are rather pressing matters at hand which are causing your lack of concentration."

Pansy opened her mouth in an attempt to apologise.

"My dear, it is perfectly acceptable to be distracted by a burden as great as yours," Remus interrupted, waving off her apology, "I am not here to reprimand you, just to assure you of my support and understanding."

He saw Pansy visibly relax, but it did nothing to improve her melancholy demeanour. Her eyes were dull and carried a multitude of worry, her face pale for lack of lustre, her hair messy and limp from neglect. Black rings swallowed her eyes, and the downwards curve of her mouth had become a permanent fixture.

"If you don't mind me saying, Miss Parkinson, you look rather ill," Remus commented, his voice laced with concern.

"I haven't really felt the need for sleeping or eating recently," Pansy sighed her reply.

"You know Draco would not want you to wither away like this."

Pansy's eyes sparkled momentarily at the mention of Draco's name before returning to their previous dullness.

"But how can I not while he's in _there_," she choked bitterly.

Remus put his hand on her shoulder in comfort. He didn't know what to say. After Dumbledore's death Draco and Snape were captured and imprisoned in Askaban. Now the war had ended Narcissa, aided by the Hogwarts faculty, was appealing for Draco's release and hopeful return to Hogwarts to continue his education. The desperate bid for Draco's humanity must have been taking its toll on the young Parkinson. Remus noticed Pansy's attention had once again wavered in the direction of Hermione's table.

"Miss Parkinson, I do believe there is a spare seat next Miss Lovegood," Remus hinted.

"They wouldn't want someone like me sitting next to them."

"You'll be surprised at the amount of their compassion," Remus smiled at her, "Besides, what have you done that's so terrible?"

Pansy gave one last glance and timidly she made her way towards the group. Remus smiled triumphantly as the group welcomed her.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hermione was surprised when she saw Remus comfort Pansy Parkinson. She was even more surprised when she felt her cheeks flush with envy at their subtle contact. However she was astounded when Pansy cautiously began approaching them. She saw Ron glare accusingly at Pansy, where as Pansy stared at the floor silently, looking as if Voldemort himself was sizing her up.

"Why don't you join us?" She heard herself saying.

Pansy looked as if all her birthdays and Christmases had come at once, for the first time since Draco was captured a genuine smile flooded her face.

"Thank you," she replied shyly.

"Here, sit next to me!" Luna offered enthusiastically, "this seats kneezal free."

Hermione could not bring herself to roll her eyes at her friend's ridicules comment once she saw Pansy giggle contently.

"So Pansy, we were just discussing question five, what do you think about it?" Ron added in from no where.

"Oh Ron really, we were not discussing question five, stop trying to get the answers out of everyone," She lectured, "you'll never learn if you copy everyone else's."

Hermione heard a snort from behind her, and turned around only to see Professor Lupin sniggering at her oh so typically Hermione utterance. In an act of playful banter she stuck her tongue out at him. This only succeeded in amusing him further, and she despairingly watched him flounce off, sniggering to himself before she returned to her friends. It was just a shame she thought, that she couldn't give him a through demonstration of what her tongue was capable of. No, bad Hermione, must not think erotic thoughts about sexy teachers… bah!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Remus felt like he was floating on air as he made his way back to his desk. Once again he was thankful for his loose robes as Hermione's uncharacteristic little display had left him with the consequences of thinking what that small, delicate tongue could do. His blissful utopia of thoughts ended soon enough, not even giving him time to scold himself for his despicable thoughts, as Colin Creevy's voice caught his attention.

"Fuck me doesn't Hermione Granger look hot this year, with that small skirt and that ass, I'm surprised my zipper's still in one piece, and those tits…"

Remus didn't know what to be more appalled at, the fact those words had come from a student, or those crude comments were about Hermione. He felt rage building up around him, pounding on his temples and before he could control the emotions bubbling inside his head he roared, "Mr Creevy, fifty points of Griffindor for your appallingly crude reference to Miss Granger. Detention with me Friday!"

Colin stared at his desk, his face crimson from embarrassment. The class fell silent and stared, shocked, at Colin. Hermione looked horrified and Remus felt a wave of guilt sweep over him for alerting the class of Colin's comments.

The bell for lesson change choose that moment to sound, dismissing the leering sea of teenage eyes. Remus traipsed back to his desk, as the students flocked out of the room. Sinking into his seat, he did not notice the figure shadowing him until it spoke.

"Thank you Professor Lupin," Hermione's soft voice thanked, soothing the wolf inside of him.

"What ever for Miss Granger?"

"Defending my Honour," She smiled warmly at him.

Remus watched, transfixed, as she timidly leaned towards him, her lips stopping centimetres away from him, her sweet breath tickling his mouth. She shyly placed a chaste kiss on his cheek, before whispering "My hero," and turning to leave. Remus couldn't help but let his gaze follow her out the door as he tenderly brushed his finger tips against where she kissed him.

"Remus, old boy, what have you gotten yourself into?" He whispered to himself, unaware of the blue eyes twinkling across the room.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have a little competition for you all, if anyone can guess my age correctly I will name a charecter after you! How does that sound? Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the newest instalment... don't forget to review!


	4. Chapter three: Don't Stand So Close

AN: Sorry it's been so long, but so many things just kept popping up. But I promise you my dear readers, I will never neglect you so ever again! Oh and I hope you all enjoyed the last book! I was hoping to keep my story as close to the HP world as possibly, but since reading DH I guess I have to say my fan fiction is officially none compliant with it. If it was… well Shadow of the Moon's storyline would officially be down the toilet. Anyone else upset with JK for what she did to our beloved Remus? I cried my eyes out all over my poor confused boyfriend. Who has, rather adorably, fallen asleep on our bed while I was finishing this off, bless him. Anyway… the winners of the little competition are **dogluv101** and **HarryrocksDraco'sO.K.12**, who guessed my age right (I'm 18). After being emailed her name I've let **girlnextdoor** have a role too just for having an awesome name. Now, shall I get on with the story?

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing, but I wish I did.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Chapter three: Don't Stand So Close**

_She wants him so badly, knows what she wants to be. Inside her there's longing, this girl's an open page. Book marking, she's so close now, this girl is half his age. Don't stand so close to me…_

Hermione stood outside the headmistress's current office, anxiously wringing her hands, feeling the onset of irrational panic hit her. A small part of her was worried that someone had witnessed her kiss Professor Lupin, and now she was going to be expelled for breeching student teacher relationships. Or maybe even put in Azkaban, or banished from wizarding society, or even…

Her heart caught in her throat as McGonagall beckoned her into the head of Gryffindor's office. For a brief moment she wondered why the head mistress was so intent on using the Gryffindor office rather than Dumbledore's old office.

"Miss Granger, I have a rather serious matter to discuss with you." McGonagall's stern eyes bore into Hermione's.

Oh gods, she knows, Lupin said something. I'm going to be expelled, Oh God I will never finish my N.E.W.T.s. I'M GOING TO BE EXPELLED! Her mind was lost in a blur of incomprehensive thoughts.

"As you know since Albus, has… gone, I have remained both head of Gryffindor and Transfiguration teacher, as well as acquiring the position of headmistress. Unfortunately such responsibilities are becoming too much for someone of my age."

Hermione responded with a perplexed stare towards the Headmistress. Professor McGonagall continued.

"I have offered the position of Head of Gryffindor to Professor Lupin, of which he has graciously accepted."

"Really?" Hermione heard herself exclaim excitedly, "Professor Lupin truly deserves that position."

"Which is why, of course, I offered him the position," a hint of a smile flashed across the old teachers face, "But now I really should give you the reason why I've called you here today. Next year I plan to retire from teaching transfigurations."

"But.." Hermione protested, saddened and shocked that one of her favourite teachers was discontinuing her teaching.

"However, I wish for _you_ to take over my position, I feel that you are more than capable of such a job. That is of course if you wish to accept."

"Of course I accept!" Hermione could barely breath properly from excitement.

"Very well then. You will start an apprenticeship this month so as to begin your training."

Hermione felt herself nodding enthusiastically, barely taking in the headmistress's words, she felt as though she would burst.

"Professor Lupin will be helping you with your training."

"Wha.. Excuse me?"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sighing sadly at the large ornate mirror in the prefect's bathroom, Hermione began the routine torture of scrutinising her towel clad reflection. Hermione hated this part of her. The part that went against her logical side which clearly stated daily that body image hang-ups were unnecessary and pathetic. The other part, the hidden feminine part which longed to be the cover-girl beauty ideal, compared her flaws to others perfections, leaving her feeling dejected and unworthy. During these inspections all her good points, such as her academic success, were lost in the tangle of carves that may be a little too chunky, and a slightly rounded stomach. Hair which fuzzed in the shower's steam and a face, which in her eyes, seemed far too plain to ever catch _his_ attention. In reality there was nothing wrong with her, just feminine curves and lack of self esteem.

She thought of Ginny, as she always did these mornings. Of Ginny's slender figure and poker straight hair. Ginny could be a model if she wanted to, despite her own hang-ups about her petite chest size. Hermione cupped her own curvaceous chest, as if making sure they were still there, and for a moment appreciated for at least having a chest worth noting. She stood there in her underwear, taking in the whole of her body. Sucking in her stomach, taking and inch off her waistline, she smoothed it down with her hands, occasionally pinching small collections of fat. Twisting her body slightly, she turned her focus onto her thighs and bottom. How she wished it would shrink just a little. And her thighs, she hated the curse of cellulite, she stretched the skin out with her hands, as if attempting to make it disappear.

Closing her eyes and running her hands through her hair, she let out a deep breathe and opened them again.

"I am Hermione Jane Granger, and I am beautiful," she declared forcefully. She smiled at the reflection and nodded, agreeing to herself she was beautiful and her girly moment was over. She looked down and walked away. I'm still going to have cosmetic magical enhancement on my feet though. But enough for now, she had a important lesson to attend.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The classroom was alive with old memories. Hermione didn't think that their was a lesson she enjoyed more than DADA, especially when Professor Lupin taught it. She loved the passion he put into teaching and the patience he had with less able students. Especially Neville, Lupin was wonderful with Neville, helping him develop almost as fast as Harry during the DA days. The bell sounded the end of the lesson and the class left, except Hermione who remained ideally twiddling her wand.

"Hermione?" Remus' rough voice called out to her, "you want to have a quick chat about the assistant arrangements?"

"That's the main reason why I stayed behind," She greeted him with a welcoming smile which, to her delight, Remus returned warmly.

"And the other reason?" he smirked teasingly at her.

"To see you of course," she winked at him, worrying slightly at how far she was stepping the teacher student relationship boundaries. Worrying aside, she couldn't help but giggle at the slight blush raising in his cheeks.

Remus couldn't help but blush when she said she had come to see him. The thought that she actually wanted to see him made his heart literally skip a beat. Although it would never be in the same way as he felt. Remus didn't know whether to be delighted or terrified when Minerva had asked him to help train Hermione. The good point was that he would get to spend more time with this beautiful angel. The bad point was he would be spending more time with the beautiful angel.

"Now since Minerva is far to busy to train, I am going to during my first year classes, which are thankfully free on your timetable, despite this not being the subject your training for. Of course you will be helping Minerva one lesson a week, but I'm afraid it's mostly me. After time you will able to take over my lessons around the full moon, but in the meantime I will be with you during these lessons."

"That sounds… wonderful," Hermione smiled at him again and he felt his knees weaken. He sat down against the edge of his desk, his face levelling with Hermione's. Remus stared, transfixed inside the pools of Hermione's deep brown eyes before his eyes trailing down to focus on her lips. They were so soft looking, a light peachy pink tone which glimmered in the light. He could see marks where she had nibbled them during thought, an idea he found incredibly adorable and made him love her more. Oh how he wanted to kiss them, to touch them, to taste them, just for one moment. Before he realised what he was even doing, Remus found himself leaning forward towards Hermione's mouth. He felt his hand cup her cheek gently and stroke her soothingly.

"Remus," Hermione breathed, breaking his thoughts, "Remus."

That's when Remus did the only thing his brain could think of doing in this situation; he ran for the storeroom.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Remus stood in the cluttered storeroom, leaning his hands against the shelves.

"I have to get it together, I'm acting like a damn school boy," he groaned through gritted teeth, "how hard is it to stand near someone without fighting symptoms of arousal? He sunk his head against the shelf in front of him, closing his eyes he desperately willed away his sick desires.

"Professor Lupin?" Hermione's voice queried from the doorway, "is everything alright in there?"

Remus snapped up, and began frantically searching for something, anything, which could be used as an acceptable excuse to be hiding in the dark storage room.

"Erm, just a tick," he called out, "I'm erm, just searching for, erm, those Billywig samples for my first year lesson. Just finding it a tad difficult to locate them, it's no problem really!"

"Oh, let me help", Hermione stepped in, smiling at him in a way which made his knees weaken.

"Where about did you put it?"

"Erm, somewhere in the back here, don't worry really, I'm quite alright," Remus felt his ability to speak deaden at that moment, and he mentally cursed himself as Hermione squeezed herself into the narrow space behind him, their backs touching slightly.

"You search that shelf and I'll search this one," she commanded sweetly, "it'll be much easier this way."

With you touching me, it only make things harder, Remus thought to himself, frustrated at the ironic realism of his words. Yes, with Hermione's delicately curvaceous bum rubbing against him as she moved up and down, browsing the shelves, things were getting very hard indeed. Glancing down at his incredibly prominent arousal, Remus panicked.

"Hermione, I really don't think you should stand so close," he croaked, trying to suppress a moan, as she rubbed against once more, causing his eyes to flutter in pleasure.

"Nonsense, I just… aha! Found it! She exclaimed triumphantly, reaching high to grasp it, once more brushing against Remus.

"Hermione, I honestly think this isn't…" Remus began before Hermione promptly cut him off.

"Got it! Oops!" Hermione knocked the glass jar off the shelf. Remus turned around in reflex to catch it. Unfortunately he failed, knocking both Hermione and himself on the hard floor. There was a loud crash as they caught the shelves, and Hermione landed sprawled across the floor, Remus on top. The jar landed with a small 'clink' and rolled, safely intact, over to the door.

Remus was mortified as the outstanding evidence of his desires pressed against Hermione's thigh. Clumsily, he began to scramble up, praying he had be fast enough to prevent Hermione from noticing, unfortunately his sudden movements had drawn Hermione's attention to him, causing her to look down and see the reason for his squirming and flushed cheeks.

"Oh," she gasped, shocked at the obvious bulge in his trousers.

"O, Gods, Hermione, I ,I , I'm so sorry," Remus could all but stutter frantically, "I don't, I, I didn't, it's not, oh bloody hell."

"Re, Professor Lupin, I, I will see you later," Hermione blurted as she scrambled up and dashed out through the store room door. Remus' eyes followed Hermione as she fled out of the room. He heard the door slam in the classroom and he growled frustrated. Now she knew of his perverted wants. She would never speak to him again, her sweet, pure admiration towards him now tainted by his inability to control his urges. The poor girl must be horrified, disgusted and terrified of him, betrayed by his reaction to her innocent actions.

As soon as she had turned the corner, Hermione stopped running. Leaning against the wall she gave out an excited, and uncharacteristic, squeal, a smile painted brightly across her features. There was no denying it, that was defiantly what she thought it was, and rather big in fact. And the best part was she was the only one who could have caused it. She, Hermione Granger, self proclaimed bookworm, had caused one Professor Remus Lupin to become aroused!

"He wants me, he wants me," she sang joyfully, dancing through the corridors, head in the clouds.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AN: Hope you liked it, please review! I have noticed more people have story alerted me than reviewed, shame on you people! Oh, I'm looking for a beta, so if anyone would like to volenteer please let me know! Big thanks to all those who have reviewed and added me to favourited and alerts etc. By the way, I'm trying to find a favourite story of mine, its a oneshot about Remus and Hermione based on the "Don't stand so close" song by the police, its one chapter but really long and it's amazingly written. I can't remember who wrote it or what it's called, but I'm desperate to find it, if anyone can help me please say!


	5. Chapter four: My December

Authers note: For all my fans out there, if you are still there, I would like to appologise for the two year wait for this update. I hope for those who enjoyed my other chapters will be happy about this sudden post. The past two years have been incredibly awful and hectic, and finally I've come out of my writers block and terrible depression. I appologise for any faults with this chapter, I've just finished it this second and I HAD to publish it, unfortunatly unbettaed. If anyone would like to be my betta, please let me know. The next chapter shall be up soon, and hopefully, despite losing 90% of my notes and info, the rest of this will be published soon after.

Proclaimer: I do not own anything you recognise, it's all (unfortunatly) been borrowed from the wonderful Jk Roweling.

Chapter 4: My December

_This is my December, this is me all alone. This is my December, this is my snow covered tree, this is me pretending this is all I need… _

The soft candle light illuminated the papers on his desk, except for the patches of shadow caste from his coffee mug. His hasty scratching from his quill must have drowned out the sound her feet made as he never heard her approaching.

"Remus," she whispered, her breath softly brushing the back of his neck, "I need to talk to you."

"Hermione?" Remus turned around quickly, excitement coursing through his veins at the thought that she had come to visit him. She glowed in the candle light, radiant and beautiful in a way only she could be. Her skin golden and her eyes shadowed. Remus blinked; surprised to see her dressed in one of his shirts, fastened loosely over her own black vest top, and paired with frayed jeans. Remus loved this look on her, so natural, and to see her in his clothes filled his heart with love and contentment. Her bare toes painted with Gryffindor red, a hint of her courage showing through.

"Hermione, why…"

"Ssh, Remus, it doesn't matter anymore," the vision before him whispered comfortingly, "None of it matters anymore."

"But, how I feel, it matters, oh gods the boundaries I have passed, you be so disgusted in me."

"You have not passed any boundaries Remus," her voice soothing his soul, "if anyone has passed boundaries it is me."

"What do you mean?" Remus looked up towards her, not daring to believe what his mind's guess was screaming at him.

"I've passed the worst of boundaries; I've broken so many rules."

"I'm sure they would pale in comparison to my wrongs."

"I fell in love with you Remus." Her voice was barely more than a whisper as she buried her head into his shoulder, but Remus heard the words he dared never to wish to hear.

"Oh Hermione," Remus sighed into her hair, "We have both broken the rules, for you see, I fell in love with you too."

Hermione pulled back from his chest, tilting her head upwards. She was going to kiss him, satisfy his craving for the taste of her soft lips. Transfixed on his target he felt himself drawn downwards to her, not caring for the ink pot Hermione had spilt in her haste to seal the kiss. The warm comfort of her lips caressing his spread through the aches of his old body, soothing his very soul. Remus barely noticed the journey from the desk to his bed, his whole being wrapped up in her wonder. It was only when the words "stay with me tonight" slipped from his lips that he realised their bodies were safely swaddled within the thick blankets of his bed, his larger body spooning her petite sleeping form.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Remus woke up with a start, and reached out for the space next to him where Hermione lay. It was empty. Remus sat bolt upright, his eyes frantically searching for evidence of Hermione's visit. The bed on her side remained untouched, the ink pot they had spilt sat upright, unmoved, on the table still. There was no lingering scent on the pillows of vanilla and books. It had all been a dream. Remus let out a groan and fell heavily onto the bed sheets in frustration, remembering that such wonderful fantasies could never happen, and that after last week, Hermione would most likely never speak to him again.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hermione woke suddenly, and was dragged from her dreams by a harsh shaking and a voice calling her name.

"Remus?" she mumbled drowsily

"Nope, just me, Pansy," chirped the lively raven haired girl, "However I'm not very curious about the whole Remus thing."

Dismissing Pansy's inquisitiveness with a groan, Hermione pulled the duvet over her head in attempt to go back to sleep. Pansy chuckled.

"I wouldn't do that if I was you", she cautioned, wagging her finger in a mocking fashion. Hermione was just about to inquire why when she got her answer, Ginny came from nowhere with a bucket of icy cold water, which was immediately thrown over her and her wonderfully comfy bed. Hermione screeched in shock.

"Wakey wakey sleepy-head, its Hogsmeade day!" greeted a smiling Ginny to the soggy and peeved looking Hermione. Hermione responded in the only way fit to such a rude awakening, with a grumble, and shuffled reluctantly towards the bathroom. She wished with every inch of her that she could have woken in Remus' arms.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The darkness of the room seemed to swallow him up, and Remus preferred it that way. He felt he deserved to wallow in his own self pity, in the dark dankness of stone walled room. A monster like him didn't need light, only the cold and a bottle of fire whiskey. The warm amber liquid burned as it poured down his throat, and he retraced the thoughts he had been thinking since that mortifying moment in the closet with Hermione. He was disgusting, perverse, for his feelings towards the young girl. Young woman, he corrected himself. It didn't matter either way, he still felt like a dirty old man preying on his innocently chaste student. Remus ran his fingers through his hair, distress coursing through him. Bottling up these feelings was getting too much for him, his clarity of wrong and right was waning. His need, his love, his lust, whatever he felt for Hermione was suffocating him, he had to hold her or kiss her or do something to release this explosion of feelings for her. All this, all these retched feelings were just manipulations of his brain, his lust for a female companion, his male libido needing attention, none of this was real. He did not need her. All he needed was gallons of strong alcohol and a much needed night of sex. He didn't need her, not her smile, not her kind words, not her eyes that lit up the room. He did not need Hermione; just alcohol.

Remus took a large swig of fire whiskey, once again welcoming the bitter burn that trailed down his throat. He welcomed the drunken descent, and the blur that would relieve him of his inner turmoil, if only for awhile.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The dark musty climate of her beloved Flourish and Botts was the only place that could cheer Hermione up at this moment in time, and Ginny and Pansy were bemused at why, for some reason, today it was not enough. They watched her silently browse the bookcases, showing no real enthusiasm for literature, despite her previous trips there ending with a large stack of new "light reading" she had to purchase.

"Maybe we should try chocolate cake?" Pansy suggested to Ginny, utterly bemused by her new friend's gloomy behavior.

Hermione could not bring herself to immerse herself in her usual love of books and knowledge. She could tell by Ginny and Pansy's awkward shuffling and whispering that even they were becoming concerned by her lack-lustrous attitude towards the towering shelves of books. She wished she could bring herself to be excited by something she was usually so passionate about, but she could not shake Remus from her thoughts. She felt she needed him to breath, she needed him to live, to smile and dance through life. She could not imagine losing him, and yet, these past few days he had removed himself from her presence, taking away all joy from her life. She wished she didn't need him like this, but she was realising, quite painfully, that she did. Scanning the battered tomes, her eyes caught on a washed out leather book, titled "Dark arts, Dark thingies and Dark creatures". She smiled at the daftness of wizarding book titles compared to muggle books, and pulled it out for closer inspection. To her amazement the inner cover was graphitized with a scrawl she recognized from some years back, saying "Merry Christmas Moony, from your mate Sirius" and underneath was added in a different hand, "And James too!". She knew she had to buy it that instant and return the book to its rightful owner.

Ginny and Pansy were surprised to see Hermione's face light up and her screech in excitement, before rushing past them to purchases the battered looking book in her hands.

"Whatever that book is, it must be pretty amazing to have lifted her from the downer she was in", Ginny turned towards Pansy.

"Maybe she found the wizarding version of an Ann Summers catalogue", Pansy replied.


End file.
